When Life Gives You Tangerines - But mine is bittersweet tangerines

 Last night, I've finished watching the korean drama called When Life Gives You Tangerines. In the first few episodes, I felt that the story was kinda surreal because I didn't think a family could be that poor. The first four episodes, they showed the struggle of a girl to survive in the middle of poor family and the pain of losing a mother. It was kinda boring because I felt sleepy. Then, the story went more interesting when the girl suddenly pregnant. She was only 18 and still need to finish her school but she couldn't. The good part of this film was: the husband was very loving and caring as if she was the world to him. I could not imagine if Ae-sun met someone else that time, that would be disaster. The lonely girl without any 'home' finally got her home forever. The next few episodes focused on how they raised their children through poverty. It was getting more and more interesting until the scene where their youngest child passed away. I kinda felt died seeing Ae-sun could not even cry when she hugged the child. It was really painful. Long story short, they finally could go through everything even though they were in the middle of poverty. My focused changed to Geumyeoung, their eldest child. She was a diamond for her family. She could reach her mom's dream to finish school live in the mainland. The story changed its direction to how Geumyeoung tried to live her life with her boyfriend and wicked boyfie's mom. Thanks God, God didn't allow them to be together at the end or else, Geumyeoung would be suffering for the rest of her life. 

Well, I would give this film 100/10. It was as if I was watching my life's documentary. I put myself as Geumyeoung, not Ae-sun. Just like Ae-sun, my mom was having me in her 18 as well. She didn't finish school that time. Unlike Gwansik, Dad did not attend school, he did not even finish his primary school. I was being treated harshly by mum simply because she knew nothing on how to take care a child. But Dad was the opposite. He was spoiling me with everything eventhough we were super poor that time. When mum was unstable both emotionally and physically, she treated me badly by scolding me super hard and even hit me with broom or such. She never showed any affection toward me except when I fell sick. Dad was always the opposite. He was funny. He used to hold me on his arm because he was pretty muscular back then. He bought me a tricycle when I was three and super proud of me when I could paddle a bicycle one. He laughed a lot. He spent his time with me a lot: fishing, watching movie, watching football, accompanying me, kicked those bad kids who bullied me. He was a hero. He was my first love. He never raised his voice on me at all. When he got angry at me, he simply walked away from me and not said any single thing. Unlike Dad, mum was super harsh. I could not do maths? She hit me with a stick. I did not want to eat? She kicked me. I failed to do what she wanted? She hit me with anything close to her. I was hating her so much that I didn't have any good memories with her. 

But I was always the lucky one. Through poverty, I could finish school--even finished my double degree on education. Right after graduation, I got a job as a teacher in a good school. I never once stop working. I could provide them with the money I got from hard work. Just like Geumyeoung,  I didn't give them money just because I felt grateful of them for raising me. It was out of my guilt toward them. I feel guilty each time I need to spend this money for myself. I was always the lucky one. When my sister experienced another hard times with her little family, I still could live with luxury. It feels like life gives me bittersweet tangerines. Now. Dad is no longer young. He is no longer the muscular one. I could see how he grew lots of white hair already, so does mom. She is no longer the harsh mom, she is no longer hitting me with broom or a stick. She started being careful with her words. 

Maybe, just maybe, this is the time when I need to forgive them for being a bad parents. It's their first time being a dad and a mom, they have no idea how to raise a child, a daughter. It's my first time being the eldest child as well. I hope they also can love me as the way I am, and I hope they can be proud of me just like Aesun and Gwansik proud of Geumyeoung. I wish they can live longer and be with me until I get older too. I wish they will always be healthy. May Allah grant my wish. Aamiin Allohuma aamiin.